Here I sit...

...one hour before my performance review. I've only been here for 4 months but since this review is on last years performance and this years goals I get to do this years goals and the last 4 months. Coincidentally the same 4 months I have been dealing with these demons. My wise mother told me last night that they've already formed their opinion and their critique is just to help me proceed rather than to beat me down like my mind is telling me.

I have been doing well since Friday. I have the last day of a 3-day migraine related to menstruation and haven't been able to sleep well at night (2 hours out, 2 hours up, etc.). I've only gotten max 4 hours of sleep each of the last 2 nights. Last night I had to take one of the crazy pills. I call it the crazy pills as that's how I feel on them. I feel drunk without the fun of getting there. No hallucinations yet but I'm certain that they will come.

I sit here now wanting to take a crazy pill because I can feel myself starting to get panicky and anxious, but I don't want to go into the review on it. I'm torn.