I hope tomorrow is better.

Well, it's been a long time. My husband ended up leaving the tow job and had another driving job but that didn't work out. Finally in October he was offered another job an thankfully he still loves it. Not only does he love it they love him and he's doing a great job. In November I felt the wrath of downsizing. After 10 months of loving what I was doing (hating the commute) and on the road to felling better about my life and knowing that the end of the dark tunnel was very close, it caved in.

I was ok in the begining. I logically could make sense of it. It wasn't just me it was 10-15% of the company (30-45 people of all levels). It wasn't anything I did or didn't do as it was because of the economy.

Christmas was hard but my old company was very generous and gave everyone that was leaving a gift card that we were able to get the kids presents done right away.

I was able to get 12 months of EI, but because there was an increase around my area (GM layoffs) I ended up waiting just over 2 months. I didn't get anything until the very end of January. By that time we were 3 mortgage payments behind. With our renewl coming up (March 1st) we tried to get on top of this and everything else. We're close but still far enough away that I'm getting anxious and starting to panic again. I haven't had an attack this bad in almost 6 months. Although it isn't anywhere close to the worst, after almost 10 months since the worst I fear going back.

Today I feel like I'm letting my kids down. If we don't come up with an extra $600 by friday we can't refinance the mortgage an if we can't do that we loose our house. I feel like I failed my kids. If we can't come up with another extra $700 we don't have a car. My birthday was yesterday so technically today I was driving the car without a valid plate...although I can drive it until the end of the month. To re-plate the car it will cost more than the car is worth (thank you ETR) and we should fix it as it doesn't like to start. And that will cost more than the car is worth. It's better to scrap it as my aunt an uncle gave us a car in October. We just haven't had the money to plate it (thank you again ETR).

I know this time I can't ask my parents, and my husbands mother had an emergency hysterectomy a week ago soshe off work for 4-6 weeks, so she can't help us out. So my only option right now is to ask my grandmother, who right now is helping my parents. I know I should call her tonight as this needs to be delt with as soon as possible, but I can't help but think that I should talk to her face to face. But that's not that easy as I have to rive my husban to work (odd hours) and I always have the kids with me and daycare is out of the question. Part of me thinks that I should talk to my parents before I talk to my grandmother.