I thought it was to get better

It's been two weeks since my meds we increased and although I do feel a little bit better and more 'normal' than 2 months ago, I find I still need to have help to get over the feeling of losing it (Ativan when needed). I switched from taking the pills in the morning to the night (after dinner) since I was not getting a restful sleep dispite sleeping through the night. Well since I switched I have been getting a better rest but waking 4-5 times a night. Because if this I have now begun to nap on the train going to work and back home (20-30 mins each way).

I need the extra help last night. My husband finally has a job. He works nights driving a tow truck, which means we rarely will see eachother during the week. He works from 5pm-7am and I'm out before he gets home and home after he leaves. Gotta do whatcha gotta do. Last night was his first night. I knew I had to deal with being alone at night but found it more difficult as the night before (Monday night) there was a shooting 5 houses down from us. It was a case of mistaken identity, but never the less it happened (the area we live in is a lower to mid-income neighbourhood but in the 5 years we have been here nothing close to this has ever happened). When my husband is gone from the house (his hockey night and now work) I have a hard time turning off my brain at bedtime. All the "what if's" go through my head. Although last night there were no what-if's, but I could feel myself start to vibrate inside, especially when I had to make a decision. I made KD for the kids when I got home, but my husband suggested I make that. I had a hard time deciding which sheets to put on my son's bed (his diaper leaked during his nap), although there was 2 sets they both were the same. I also had a hard time picking out the kid's pjs. I should have just let Abby pick her own as she does all the time but I guess I felt the need to do it myself...my do. I got through it all and my husband actually came home at midnight as it was a short night for him. I did sleep through my alarm this morning to start the day off wrong. I had mushrooms for lunch as I just don't feel that hungry but know I need to eat something.